The Ratchet

The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines the ratchet as:

a mechanism that consists of a bar or wheel having inclined teeth into which a pawl drops so that motion can be imparted to the wheel or bar, governed, or prevented and that is used in a hand tool (such as a wrench or screwdriver) to allow effective motion in one direction only.

My feelings about myself are all over the place. My worth, how I think you may see me, how sure I am about my prospects… crash, then soar before crashing again…

But my feelings for you only move in one direction, the ratchet in my heart preventing any sort of back-stepping. Always forward, always hotter, always deeper… Whichever metaphor you prefer, I only ever move in one direction: towards you, towards needing you, towards wanting that next time our stories intersect to be the one where they smash into each other with enough force to be permanently bonded…

Right now, I'm in one of those ruts where I'm sure everything is in my head… currently convinced I don't even ever cross your mind. But. If I do, if you really ever do think of me, and wonder how I feel about you, know this: I am loving you, more today than I was yesterday, more yesterday than the day before… You are on my mind today, more than you were yesterday, more yesterday than the day before… in my heart today, more than you were yesterday, more yesterday than the day before… the ratchet doing its work, pawl digging into those teeth, patient as a tool can be, whatever might be happening in my head.